I’ve been blocked enough for years not to even remember I am, essentially, a writer.
I’ve been willing to write but found myself without what to write about.
I’ve been lazy enough not to write at all for months, even when I had an idea to write about.
But it had never happened to me before to have the idea, a minimum conviction of my being a writer, and a certain will to write, and not being able to push it ahead further than two sentences at a time. It’s quite annoying and frustating!
I started writing this piece “Akashic Records” (you may look for its first draft in a previous post) a year ago perhaps. I started with an idea and I wrote the introduction pretty swiftly, but then I realized my writing had taken me to a completely different plot from the one I had in mind when I started and I didn’t know how to continue it. Then, more or less six months went by in blackness.
However, this wonderful summer a spark stroke me and all of a sudden I had the whole layout!
Imagine my exhilaration!
I set myself to write and moved forward for two chapters or so; but then… nothing.
Don’t get me wrong! I really want to write! I know what I want to write about, but I can’t do it!
I wake up and tell myself I have to write today and I accept it willingly. I sat at the computer and get ready to do it and then I just diverge! I don’t understand why it’s become so unattainable! Now that I came to think of it, I’m wondering if it all comes to the simple fact that this piece doesn’t have a soundtrack. All my other writings have had a song or couple of songs that helped me to focus. I played them endlessly while I wrote and didn’t stop until it was all done. I even include the tracks when I present my pieces because I think it important for the reader to listen to them along with the reading because they let’s say, summarize the mood or the piece.
But this orphan doesn’t have a voice on its own and I don’t know if I can adopt one for it now because all my other children were conceived simultaneously with the finding of some music that captured me for a period of time and it just didn’t happen this time. I’ve tried to present it to some music it might like, but it’s been useless. I get distracted or the music just bothers me. It’s as if I can’t pay attention to more than one thing at a time anymore.
This is my mute child.
But as all different children, it will prove worth the extra effort because I suspect it hasn’t found its sound yet because it dwells in a much more extensive universe than its older siblings.
Please reader, talk to me. Be the voice and music that carries me through this delivery.